100 days of Gratitude/Happiness: Day 82

cup of hot coffee on the window sill wet from the rain

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball


That quote means to me right now in my life, is respecting yourself enough to stop trowing yourself under the bus for people, who will shove you under there anyways when push comes to shove. Had a few friends remind me that I have to accept that when people do this that this is their true colors, no matter how I try find a way to excuse their behavor. By nature, I tend to be a caregiver, and the last person I take care of is me, which needs to change. I have started to lower a few friends off my priority list, and about fading a few out.

My main problem with the ones I have moved down my list and some I’m fading out, is their respect towards me. That’s the bottom line. I’ve caught a few lying to me on flacking out on me at the last min, only to see them post something on social media showing me that they lied. One put me in a spot I had to loan that person a lot of money because I cared about them, and then they repeated lied about paying me back when I told them if you have issues let me know many times. Then there are a few who have ego issues being really bitter about things that they feel entitled to, but never earned. We all get into a bad spot once in a while but when this is continuous pattern in their behavior, it’s not a bad spot.

Being in a bad spot I know can last years. I recently have started climbing out of a two years of being stuck in a bad spot. When you look down my life history timeline, it’s not a continuous pattern. During the past two years, I was stuck in a holding pattern because of the situations I was placed in.  Now I’m at the place where I’m able to start to make plans to move forward, and I am with going back to school to build a more solid design foundation. I’m also looking for a internship or part time job in the field of design/web. I have apologize for those two years, but I also have to accept that wasn’t my fault and I survived the best I could.

An apology isn’t going to fix anything, it’s your actions, your behavior. That’s why I’m changing mines to focus more on school to help building my future towards a career in web, my health, and my Friends/Tribe/Chosen family.  Sometimes when you are completing about the people around you, you need to realize that people you are the people you surround yourself with. It’s a holding pattern that you need to change. I’ll be talking about this on my next post.

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