Setting new 5 life goals:
- New/used car that I can use trouble free for the next decade.
- Work for a helathy studio/company that works in something with graphics. I would like to work in house at least a few days a week when I begin.
- Have and be known for my web design and coding skills, either as a designer that had killer coding skills or a developer that had great design skills.
- To be healthy mind, body, and soul.
- Own my own house or townhouse with a yard.
Shedding. People’s actions speak louder then words and you have to remember that. As I’m learning to respect myself again, I am losing people because I am no longer willing to put up with the shitty way they have been treating me. I own nobody anything. If they believe in me, their actions would speak for them. Talk is cheap. I’ve been talking and testing out things that didn’t pan out. Back on the road again with anther goal to work on with a lot less dead weight, because I have never been cheap. Was just stuck on a crossroad for a while, and I crossed it.
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball
That quote means to me right now in my life, is respecting yourself enough to stop trowing yourself under the bus for people, who will shove you under there anyways when push comes to shove. Had a few friends remind me that I have to accept that when people do this that this is their true colors, no matter how I try find a way to excuse their behavor. By nature, I tend to be a caregiver, and the last person I take care of is me, which needs to change. I have started to lower a few friends off my priority list, and about fading a few out.
My main problem with the ones I have moved down my list and some I’m fading out, is their respect towards me. That’s the bottom line. I’ve caught a few lying to me on flacking out on me at the last min, only to see them post something on social media showing me that they lied. One put me in a spot I had to loan that person a lot of money because I cared about them, and then they repeated lied about paying me back when I told them if you have issues let me know many times. Then there are a few who have ego issues being really bitter about things that they feel entitled to, but never earned. We all get into a bad spot once in a while but when this is continuous pattern in their behavior, it’s not a bad spot.
Being in a bad spot I know can last years. I recently have started climbing out of a two years of being stuck in a bad spot. When you look down my life history timeline, it’s not a continuous pattern. During the past two years, I was stuck in a holding pattern because of the situations I was placed in. Now I’m at the place where I’m able to start to make plans to move forward, and I am with going back to school to build a more solid design foundation. I’m also looking for a internship or part time job in the field of design/web. I have apologize for those two years, but I also have to accept that wasn’t my fault and I survived the best I could.
An apology isn’t going to fix anything, it’s your actions, your behavior. That’s why I’m changing mines to focus more on school to help building my future towards a career in web, my health, and my Friends/Tribe/Chosen family. Sometimes when you are completing about the people around you, you need to realize that people you are the people you surround yourself with. It’s a holding pattern that you need to change. I’ll be talking about this on my next post.
Simple things. I’m home safe with a roof over my head, food in my belly, a bed to sleep in, and friends who are my chosen family.
Bird by bird. Going on a simi spending freeze. I’m going to try to use up what food and things I have or donate/toss it by the end of next month. Simi because I’m going to still spend money on things I really do need like gas and pursuable food. Decide to do coding for 30 min a day, and sometimes a few times a day till I have enough time to build up to 1-2 hours a day. I have too many small projects I have to wrap up right now. Bird by bird.
Bird by Bird. Slowly each day getting a few things done. Still working on the meal planning. Fail the past two days and still working on getting back to not skipping meals. Beginning to see the floor in my unit. Have a few hours tomorrow to try to push through to finish unpacking. Will be so happy to be able to finally live in my own space.
Little things in life. Learning to relearn habits. This week’s habit I’m working on, is relearning to write and uses daily lists. Pick out 3-5 times that I would like to get done today. Then at the end of the day reassess what was done and wasn’t to be more efficient with my time management.
Happiness: Commitment to improving myself in 2016.
- Work: Back to school for Graphic Design, look for pt or internship in Web Design/Development.
- Health: strengthen my ankle, meal plans, cardio/dance once per week, and drop 20-30 pounds.
- Time management: Putting myself slowly back on my tight ridge schedule, that I used use in my 20’s.
Dec 3rd, 2015
Happiness: I’m leaving on a train with no return ticket. Well, I’ll buy one sometime this weekend, but not going to be updating this blog till Sunday, maybe Monday. Decide to leave my laptop behind for this weekend and be present at my anunal work study retreat. Working on being fully present this month. However said, I bring my journal to write in, and new UX book to read during down time.