Month: January 2016

“Fall in love with a person who enjoys your madness. Not an idiot who forces you to be normal.” – Unknown

Love myself to be open to love. One of the things I am changing this year, is be open to love.  One of my friends said it has to be unconditional love.  Put it out there into the universe, that as I’m creating this chapter of my life, I want a romantic monogamous relationship with a man to have adventures with, to grow together with, that will not give up on me, that will take care of me, is proud of me, and somebody that I can adore and spoil.  It doesn’t have to end with marriage. A success relationship doesn’t have to last forever. That being said, I never been married, would like to be married once in my life and ideally staid married.

Need to break my pattern of being attract to emotionally unavailable men.  They are usually boys unwilling to man up, which makes them great friends. That’s what also stops me from allowing them to cross the friend zone, but my heart is anther story. My heart roots for the underdog/dark horse, but it’s a bad gamble and I’m too old for that. Also I’m not a side chick or an option. Do not degrade me as one.

Relationships aren’t prefect. It’s on going hard work. I’ve always said the prefect relationship is two unperfect people unwilling to give up on each other.   In the past few weeks, I realize I’m ready to start putting my heart out there and do the work. I’m not going out there for a hunt for a man, but I am being open to meet one or if things shift from a friendship, I’m willing to step forward and give it a try.  Life is scary and short.  I don’t want to keep on missing out because of fear of the pain from getting hurt.

 

“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” ― M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth

Loving myself to valuing myself more then others. I have a close friend who survived cancer. She said when you almost lose your life, you realize how limited it is. She told me that I’m one of the rare people she keeps close.  There is a chance that I might have inherited my mother’s terminal illnesses. I’m at the age where she was diagnosed with it and my health has started to fail these past few years.  Don’t want to get tested because there is no cure or proven treatment that works.

I tend to value others more then myself.  It’s partly because I was raised by my immigrant Grandmother, where in Asia it’s the We vs Me mentally we have in the western world. You treat the ones you love as family, and you do whatever you can for the. That’s why if I tell you I love you as family, it’s a higher place then just a friend. Also I’m a lioness and I’m sure there is self esteem issues in there also.  I’m also bad with verbal communication but I’m very good with non verbal communication. That is also an Asian cultural thing.  When I moved back from Hawai’i, I had to learn to verbalize what I need and I’m still working on it.

It’s not selfish to put your own needs first but stay humble and grateful. One of the things I am learning is that if somebody isn’t prioritizing you, put them on the back burner. Don’t waste your time with them and trying not to take a personally because they aren’t.