It’s been a while…

and a pandemic started. I was doing good at sticking to 230pd range for the past few years till the past 6 months and I gained back to 250pd. I know that I have to control my PCOS. It’s confusing bc there is an overwhelming about of information and misinformation out there. Also there had to be food that I will stick to eating long term.

This blog is going to track me getting my life back on track since the pandemic changed things.

Things to work on:
Control my PCOS to lose weight.
Get my body back into shape
Learn coding or something to work my mind.

(Personal Post) New 90 Day Challenge: Get healthier habits.

Get healthier habits.


Work to start switching to 80/20 Healthy/Cheat Foods
Sleep at 1am at the latest or get in bed and deal with it.
Start playing with meal prep and on testing meal prep recipes.
Workout: Mat Pilates 3x, Dance 2x, Gym/home workout 3x
Spent 15min to an hour each day reading or working on code/tech stuff.


Switching to 80/20 Healthy/Cheat Foods
Out of bed 9am each day, no matter what time I slept or didn’t get sleep.
Plan out meal preps and make them
Workout: Mat Pilates 3x, Dance 4x, Gym/home workout 5x
Spent 30 min to an hour each day reading or working on code/tech stuff.

(Personal Update) Day 90/90: Made it to the end of the Project 333 Challenge.


Project 333:

I really didn’t update it because I found it so easy once I have my clothing and items pulled. I used less then 33 pieces and I just had to remember to plan when to do my laundry or I would be out of clothing. At the end, I really don’t need that much clothing but I’m also too fat to wear clothing I think is cute.


My own health still isn’t statable but the warmer weather was helping till the Santa Ana Winds kicked in today…baby steps. I’ve been going to mat pilates twice a week, and recently add in 2 dance classes per week. It’s sorta of pushing my ankle, so I might back it down to one dance class a week. I need to lose the 30+ pounds since my ankle surgery. So that’s my next goal for the next 90 days to drop 10-15 pounds.



It’s been a year and half since I decide to go back to school. Part of me is freaking out that I’m not learning fast enough but I feel inspired when I’m in class, so I know it’s the right step.  I have anther year and half left. Not going to cry if I don’t finish it.


I’m on one project right now but I really can’t take on any more till school is done for the semester and my heath improves. Thank goodness for the day job.  I really to get back on track with learning Javascript and learnt use illustrator better.

(Personal Post) Day 49/90: Update


Project 333:

I’m using less then my allowance of clothing and items according to the project. I swamp out a pair of jeans I never used for sweats due to the weather.  When my health gets better, I can start getting rid of clothing and stuff that I really don’t need. Even if I lose the weight, I’ll get new clothing.

Create new habits:

Two hours daily routine
30 mins: Daily work on illustrator or Javascript skills or Weekend: Read a book.
30 min: Clean house + Donate/Get rid of stuff.
15 min each: Draw + Work on Blog/Journal + Ankle rehab + Self Care.

I did good in Jan but failed in Feb once my classes all started. I bite off more then I can chew with all my classes and my health issues flaring up. Need to sit down and evaluate my game plan.

Meal Planing:

This month, I was going to had on meal planing to start eating healthier. My health issues flared up majorly.  I wasn’t able to do much but get what I need to get done and rest.  I’m going to clean out my freezer and start looking into making fz foods that I can pre prep for the slow cooker.  That way if I get sick again, I can just dump it into the crockpot and rest.

Working out:

I started with one class of mat pilates per week for Jan. I’m upping it to two in feb and adding in an hour of dance class starting next week.  March:  Per week: Mat Pilates 3x, Dance Class 2x


(Personal Post) Day 1/90: A New Year and down the rabbit hole aka start to get the habits rolling.

Simplify My Habits

Two hours daily routine
30 mins: Daily work on illustrator or Javascript skills or Weekend: Read a book. 
30 min: Clean house + Donate/Get rid of stuff.
15 min each: Draw + Work on Blog/Journal + Ankle rehab + Self Care.

Twice a week: Meal planing + pull recipes with shopping list.
Read/AudioBook: Two per month. Ideally, weekly.

Project 333
Started to wear my paired down wardrobe. Packing away the rest of my clothing not on my list or on the exclusion list. Hoping to lose some weight so in 3 months I can swamp out to my small size clothing.

Wardrobe for the next 3 months:
2 Pants:  Blk Dress Pant + Jean
3 Bags (Pineapple, main one, lunch cooler)
4 Skirts: Long: Black, Blue, and Stripped. Shorter: Black.
5 Shirts: n/a
5 Pairs of Shoes: Tava, dress, sandal, tennis shoes, and roller walkers.
7 Dress: 3 grey, 2 daily, 1 Hawaiian, and 1 pinup girl black.
7 pieces of Jewelry: 4 pendents, 2 pairs of earrings (I might swamp one out later because it’s pretty damaged), and one bracelet.


(Personal Post)Simplify my habits + Project 33

Simplify My Habits

Two hours daily routine
30 mins: Daily work on illustrator or Javascript skills.
30 min: Clean house + Donate/Get rid of stuff.
15 min each: Draw + Work on Blog + Ankle rehab + Self Care.

Twice a week: Meal planing + pull recipes with shopping list.
Read/AudioBook: Two per month. Ideally, weekly.

Project 333
“…is the minimalist fashion challenge that invites you to dress with 33 items or less for 3 months.”  – Courtney

“What: 33 items including clothing, accessories, jewelry, outerwear and shoes.”

“What not: these items are not counted as part of the 33 items – wedding ring or another sentimental piece of jewelry that you never take off, underwear, sleep wear, in-home lounge wear,  and workout clothing (you can only wear your workout clothing to workout).” I’m also excluding what I’m wearing for medical/health reasons like my scarves and jackets.

33 items:
5 pairs of Shoes
5 Dresses
3 Skirts
2 Pant (including Jeans)
1 Necklace (my sun one)
1 Earrings
3 Bags (Pineapple, main one, lunch cooler)
8 tops (two dress tops, 5 everyday)
–  with 5 items left




(Personal Post) Lessons Learned: Don’t look to deep.

A young woman is sitting on a rock by the sea

My lessons learned with grief are:

When you are facing death with loved ones or yourself, trying to process it is one of the normal reactions. One of the ways you can try to deal with grief and mourning, is try to make sense of it. Which is fine, but if you go to deep it can rob you of your joy, your personality,  and life. Sometimes being superficial and mundane is joy because it allows you to appreciate the simple things in life, sometimes that is what really does matter at the end.

Feeling too deep and caring too deep for other people, can cause drama unintentionally.  Most people aren’t in the same place as you. Losing a parent, or a loved one or coming close to your own death is an experience that not everybody has had to deal with in their own lives at this point. They can only sympathize, not empathize till they have gone through a similar journey.  They aren’t in the same space or place as you, and it’s ok but you also have to remember and respect that. Also be careful who you let in because not everybody who shows up is there to help.

My advice so far with grief that I learned that works for me is:

Forgive yourself and be kind to yourself.  There is no one fits all manual on how to deal with this and never will be. As long as you are learning, you haven’t wasted time. Sometimes looking deep is a great way to deal with things but it can cause overthinking, which can create problems that are never orignally there. It’s a balancing act that you learn with experanice.

Some people will say you are being dramatic, if your intention wasn’t to create drama, that’s more of a reflection on them than you. That’s also a sign that they aren’t the right person to be sharing deeper feelings with, even if they keep on telling you that they are. Learn to voice your emotions to somebody who understands that you are just venting till you figure things out, your safe person.

It’s ok to have mental health days or a week off but realize your goals and issues to tackle them.  Depression is normal. The thoughts and emotions associated with depression,  learn to cope with them and ride them out and if you have a safe support system, set that up.

Know that everybody has an opinion of you, and if they ain’t’ paying your bills, their’s don’t matter.  A good mantra to recite to yourself  “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”  Read The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Miguel Ruiz, and tape  the 4 rules to your mirror to read each morning.

The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz

agreement 1

Be impeccable with your word :
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally:
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions:
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

agreement 4

Always do your best:
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.


(Personal Post) “Don’t wait for things to get better.

Freeze motion of colored dust explosion isolated on black background

Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now, otherwise you’ll run out of time.”

3:30 am a week ago, my friend was freaking about if she should break up with this guy she was with, via text because she was in bed with him. One of the reasons she didn’t want to let go, was because she didn’t want to die alone. I could relate to it. With all the deaths and now my mother’s illness,  I can see the temptation of settling with somebody just so I wouldn’t be alone.  I asked her if he makes her happy, She said Yes…eight years ago he did (They broke up 8 years ago and just recently reconnected), but not now. I told her, You have to decide if living like this for the rest of your life is worth it. Our time is limited. There are reasons why ex’s have an X in them.

When I saw the quote “Don’t wait for things to get better. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now, otherwise you’ll run out of time.” It reminded me that I keep on waiting for things to calm down to be happy to enjoy life, it’s not.  Watching my mom’s illness take it’s toll on her and not being able to do anything for her, I realize I really wish I have a partner to turn to. My friends, I know are at a loss for what to tell me with all these deaths in a short time. I thought of my friend’s situation. I can see the temptation of settling so you have somebody to collapse into and just hold you.

 When I was in the hospital room watching my mother, I realize that my fear of being alone might be a self-fulfilling prophecy.   I’m not desperate to be miserable with the wrong person just so I wouldn’t be alone. However, I need to be open and be grounded to find a partner and I know it’s him when he refuses to give up on me, no matter what I toss at him (I have bad self defence mechanism that defaults automatically without me realizing it till way later. Has to be a guy that can see through that it’s nothing more than a smoke screen). I have an amazing life to live, and I don’t want to be surviving through it instead of enjoying it. My time is precious and I need to learn to value it more.

Be kind to yourself…

beautiful young girl in little room. creative concept

Until you take care of your health, there is nothing alas you can do for others or your work. These past few years has been a challenge that I didn’t work a traditional 9-5 job. I prided myself on being the best hire gun I could be for my bosses. It was part of who I was, and walking away from that to put the needs of my family first, has been a mental challenge.

Came into WordPress as a hobby, which turned into a side job, that lead me into wanting to go into it full time. That is the road now that I am working on and I know it will take a few years.  When it was a side job, I was freelance and I sub contracted also but I was ashamed that I wasn’t progressing very far.  It was because I was tried, very tried because I was taking care of things for my family and wasn’t taking care of my own health.

Two years plus ago, when situations with my family when to total chaos after my then recent ankle surgery, I’ve been pretty hard on myself for not progressing very far on my coding.  Have to stop and pat myself on the back, I did the best I could, and I’m still here trying.  Never stopped because this is no longer just a hobby but it’s a passion. Need to stop hiding my code. People will laugh, and judged, but you know, what I have git and I will improve. Not only do I have to improve my mental health but my physical health.

Just weighted myself, I dropped 9.6 pounds since the beginning of the year. I would like to lose 6.4 pounds by my Bday, so I need to start working out (baby steps), and making a meal plan on what I eat. If I don’t, I will not cry over it, just keep on working on it. Ideally, after reaching that goal, I would like to drop anther 30 pounds to reach my pre ankle surgery weight. If it takes anther year, I don’t care as long as I do it healthy and correctly.  Have to keep the same mental status with my coding.

Some people told me it’s the hands of God/Fate/Universe that holds you back till it’s your time. I’m just going to sit here and fine tune my craft, my code, my body, my health, my mind till the path I create is being built. It’s never going to be prefect, but it’s my own path and I’m going to be walking it as I’m building it. There will be mistakes, but as long as I learn from them and don’t stop trying, that’s all the matters at the end.  People will judge, but that also means they are stopping to notice what you are doing.  If they aren’t stopping to help me improve, they are not important to me, and not part of my tribe I’m building a long the way.

Not sure what life is bringing me but…

Beautiful flower rose on vintage dark wooden background. Selective focus.

3 more weeks left in my program before I’m on my own again. Almost burned out with the drive daily 2 hours each way.   Love the high of having projects to code daily, and trouble shooting in class. Must love it since I just completed 13 weeks so far. When to a beginner’s Ruby meetup today,  I spent most of the time talking about WordPress + trying to learn Javascript. I think I need to stick to WordPress + JS even through I’m Ruby/Rails curious.

So I asked myself what would be my dream job. Want something I can grow my personal coding and related skills in, and it can be flexible.  Something with coding front end in WordPress for a non/not for profit or social work/welfare related. I realize that working on Audrey Capital for Automattic, would be my dream job. Don’t know how to make that happen but it’s now my goal or a similar job to that.

My goal for the next 3 weeks:

  • Stop skipping meals
  • Drink 8 cups of water/tea a day
  • Finish resume
  • Finish Codetalk portfolio
  • Keep learning Javascript, whatever that means
  • Keep  on working on learning Git + Github