Goals – Spirit of Be

(Personal Post) New 90 Day Challenge: Get healthier habits.

Get healthier habits.

April:

Work to start switching to 80/20 Healthy/Cheat Foods
Sleep at 1am at the latest or get in bed and deal with it.
Start playing with meal prep and on testing meal prep recipes.
Workout: Mat Pilates 3x, Dance 2x, Gym/home workout 3x
Spent 15min to an hour each day reading or working on code/tech stuff.

May:

Switching to 80/20 Healthy/Cheat Foods
Out of bed 9am each day, no matter what time I slept or didn’t get sleep.
Plan out meal preps and make them
Workout: Mat Pilates 3x, Dance 4x, Gym/home workout 5x
Spent 30 min to an hour each day reading or working on code/tech stuff.
June:
TBA

(Personal Update) Day 90/90: Made it to the end of the Project 333 Challenge.

Project 333:

I really didn’t update it because I found it so easy once I have my clothing and items pulled. I used less then 33 pieces and I just had to remember to plan when to do my laundry or I would be out of clothing. At the end, I really don’t need that much clothing but I’m also too fat to wear clothing I think is cute.

Health:

My own health still isn’t statable but the warmer weather was helping till the Santa Ana Winds kicked in today…baby steps. I’ve been going to mat pilates twice a week, and recently add in 2 dance classes per week. It’s sorta of pushing my ankle, so I might back it down to one dance class a week. I need to lose the 30+ pounds since my ankle surgery. So that’s my next goal for the next 90 days to drop 10-15 pounds.

School:

It’s been a year and half since I decide to go back to school. Part of me is freaking out that I’m not learning fast enough but I feel inspired when I’m in class, so I know it’s the right step. I have anther year and half left. Not going to cry if I don’t finish it.

Web:

I’m on one project right now but I really can’t take on any more till school is done for the semester and my heath improves. Thank goodness for the day job. I really to get back on track with learning Javascript and learnt use illustrator better.

(Personal Post) Day 49/90: Update

Project 333:

I’m using less then my allowance of clothing and items according to the project. I swamp out a pair of jeans I never used for sweats due to the weather. When my health gets better, I can start getting rid of clothing and stuff that I really don’t need. Even if I lose the weight, I’ll get new clothing.

Create new habits:

Two hours daily routine
30 mins: Daily work on illustrator or Javascript skills or Weekend: Read a book.
30 min: Clean house + Donate/Get rid of stuff.
15 min each: Draw + Work on Blog/Journal + Ankle rehab + Self Care.

I did good in Jan but failed in Feb once my classes all started. I bite off more then I can chew with all my classes and my health issues flaring up. Need to sit down and evaluate my game plan.

Meal Planing:

This month, I was going to had on meal planing to start eating healthier. My health issues flared up majorly. I wasn’t able to do much but get what I need to get done and rest. I’m going to clean out my freezer and start looking into making fz foods that I can pre prep for the slow cooker. That way if I get sick again, I can just dump it into the crockpot and rest.

Working out:

I started with one class of mat pilates per week for Jan. I’m upping it to two in feb and adding in an hour of dance class starting next week. March: Per week: Mat Pilates 3x, Dance Class 2x

(Personal Post)Simplify my habits + Project 33

Simplify My Habits

Two hours daily routine
30 mins: Daily work on illustrator or Javascript skills.
30 min: Clean house + Donate/Get rid of stuff.
15 min each: Draw + Work on Blog + Ankle rehab + Self Care.

Weekly
Twice a week: Meal planing + pull recipes with shopping list.
Read/AudioBook: Two per month. Ideally, weekly.

Project 333
“…is the minimalist fashion challenge that invites you to dress with 33 items or less for 3 months.” – Courtney

“What: 33 items including clothing, accessories, jewelry, outerwear and shoes.”

“What not: these items are not counted as part of the 33 items – wedding ring or another sentimental piece of jewelry that you never take off, underwear, sleep wear, in-home lounge wear, and workout clothing (you can only wear your workout clothing to workout).” I’m also excluding what I’m wearing for medical/health reasons like my scarves and jackets.

33 items:
5 pairs of Shoes
5 Dresses
3 Skirts
2 Pant (including Jeans)
1 Necklace (my sun one)
1 Earrings
3 Bags (Pineapple, main one, lunch cooler)
8 tops (two dress tops, 5 everyday)
– with 5 items left

(Personal Post) “Don’t wait for things to get better.

Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now, otherwise you’ll run out of time.”

3:30 am a week ago, my friend was freaking about if she should break up with this guy she was with, via text because she was in bed with him. One of the reasons she didn’t want to let go, was because she didn’t want to die alone. I could relate to it. With all the deaths and now my mother’s illness, I can see the temptation of settling with somebody just so I wouldn’t be alone. I asked her if he makes her happy, She said Yes…eight years ago he did (They broke up 8 years ago and just recently reconnected), but not now. I told her, You have to decide if living like this for the rest of your life is worth it. Our time is limited. There are reasons why ex’s have an X in them.

When I saw the quote “Don’t wait for things to get better. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now, otherwise you’ll run out of time.” It reminded me that I keep on waiting for things to calm down to be happy to enjoy life, it’s not. Watching my mom’s illness take it’s toll on her and not being able to do anything for her, I realize I really wish I have a partner to turn to. My friends, I know are at a loss for what to tell me with all these deaths in a short time. I thought of my friend’s situation. I can see the temptation of settling so you have somebody to collapse into and just hold you.

When I was in the hospital room watching my mother, I realize that my fear of being alone might be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’m not desperate to be miserable with the wrong person just so I wouldn’t be alone. However, I need to be open and be grounded to find a partner and I know it’s him when he refuses to give up on me, no matter what I toss at him (I have bad self defence mechanism that defaults automatically without me realizing it till way later. Has to be a guy that can see through that it’s nothing more than a smoke screen). I have an amazing life to live, and I don’t want to be surviving through it instead of enjoying it. My time is precious and I need to learn to value it more.

Be kind to yourself…

Until you take care of your health, there is nothing alas you can do for others or your work. These past few years has been a challenge that I didn’t work a traditional 9-5 job. I prided myself on being the best hire gun I could be for my bosses. It was part of who I was, and walking away from that to put the needs of my family first, has been a mental challenge.

Came into WordPress as a hobby, which turned into a side job, that lead me into wanting to go into it full time. That is the road now that I am working on and I know it will take a few years. When it was a side job, I was freelance and I sub contracted also but I was ashamed that I wasn’t progressing very far. It was because I was tried, very tried because I was taking care of things for my family and wasn’t taking care of my own health.

Two years plus ago, when situations with my family when to total chaos after my then recent ankle surgery, I’ve been pretty hard on myself for not progressing very far on my coding. Have to stop and pat myself on the back, I did the best I could, and I’m still here trying. Never stopped because this is no longer just a hobby but it’s a passion. Need to stop hiding my code. People will laugh, and judged, but you know, what I have git and I will improve. Not only do I have to improve my mental health but my physical health.

Just weighted myself, I dropped 9.6 pounds since the beginning of the year. I would like to lose 6.4 pounds by my Bday, so I need to start working out (baby steps), and making a meal plan on what I eat. If I don’t, I will not cry over it, just keep on working on it. Ideally, after reaching that goal, I would like to drop anther 30 pounds to reach my pre ankle surgery weight. If it takes anther year, I don’t care as long as I do it healthy and correctly. Have to keep the same mental status with my coding.

Some people told me it’s the hands of God/Fate/Universe that holds you back till it’s your time. I’m just going to sit here and fine tune my craft, my code, my body, my health, my mind till the path I create is being built. It’s never going to be prefect, but it’s my own path and I’m going to be walking it as I’m building it. There will be mistakes, but as long as I learn from them and don’t stop trying, that’s all the matters at the end. People will judge, but that also means they are stopping to notice what you are doing. If they aren’t stopping to help me improve, they are not important to me, and not part of my tribe I’m building a long the way.

Not sure what life is bringing me but…

3 more weeks left in my program before I’m on my own again. Almost burned out with the drive daily 2 hours each way. Love the high of having projects to code daily, and trouble shooting in class. Must love it since I just completed 13 weeks so far. When to a beginner’s Ruby meetup today, I spent most of the time talking about WordPress + trying to learn Javascript. I think I need to stick to WordPress + JS even through I’m Ruby/Rails curious.

So I asked myself what would be my dream job. Want something I can grow my personal coding and related skills in, and it can be flexible. Something with coding front end in WordPress for a non/not for profit or social work/welfare related. I realize that working on Audrey Capital for Automattic, would be my dream job. Don’t know how to make that happen but it’s now my goal or a similar job to that.

My goal for the next 3 weeks:

Stop skipping meals
Drink 8 cups of water/tea a day
Finish resume
Finish Codetalk portfolio
Keep learning Javascript, whatever that means
Keep on working on learning Git + Github

Breath…eyes on the prize.

Eye on the prize as I’m putting my life on hold for eight more weeks for the Front End Dev Program. Leaving the house at 5:30am each day and driving through 2-3 hours of traffic to get to school each day will be worth it at the end. With school, my mom in the hospital, running her errands, all my doctor appointments, and my own errands I drive about 1,000 miles each week. In a way it’s good with all the driving, it’s the only time I have to myself to process life, cry, and listen to my audio book collection…might as well be productive.

For my health, I need to drop 10-15 pounds in the next few months for health issues. The doctor wants me to drop 30 pounds but baby steps with my ankle issues. Really sucks when you can’t even really walk without limping or your ankle giving out. Starting last week, when I get to school I take a 30 min walk, and I eat a small breakfast. I realize that I don’t drink enough water, so I order a large hot water pump to bring to class with me. Need to work on a meal plan that I can take with me since I’m on the road most of the time.

Got my grade sheet today and I have 94% for the first 5 weeks. We are on week 7 right now. I should have scored higher, if I wasn’t distracted with my mother in the hospital. I need to be kinder to myself. Also for the program, I need to find a internship that starts in June/July. That’s the next time I need to start forcing on.

Missing out on a lot of things in live with almost no social life but I have to remember that I can only get good at things one thing at a time. Right now it’s learning to coding stronger, taking care of my mom, and trying to take care of my own failing health. That’s all I can do. Can’t keep on pouring from an empty cup. There is nobody here to take care of me, the way I take care of other people.

If your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough.

There is apart of me that is freaking out that if this is all a mistake. If the past almost 3 years of WordPress, and learning to code again. I am pretty passionate about code and things related to web design and dev. This front end dev program is a gamble with how much I’m giving up to complete this program. Then somehow I need to make this work into a career in the next few years…well, at the end of this year realistically. Putting my personal life on hold since I have to take care of my mother, my own health, and focus on completing this front dev program. I’ve been pouring from an empty cup for a long time and that’s why my health is so bad.

Am very surprised on the people who are stepping up to check on me and I am disappoint in a few, but really not surprised. Not one word from a few people that I once consider closer friends. Actions speak louder then words and it’s something to keep in mind moving forward. I used to confront people in hopes it’s a misunderstanding, but life is too short to keep on pleasing people who have a history of not valuing you.

I don’t expect things to be handed to me after I finish this program but I need to brush on my front end dev skills and learn Javascript. Hopefully, in 9 weeks when this program is over, my health will be improve a little better. There is a lot of hustling that I need to do to get an internship and hopefully, land a job in a studio or company in the next year…hoping it will be closer to where I live.

One thing this whole thing has taught me is to value your time. There are a lot of people who are going nowhere, and take you with them, if you don’t have a clear goal. They aren’t looking out for you, but how you fit into their own needs, while making it look like they have your best interest in mind. I’m choosing who I spend my time around very carefully because I don’t have much time to spare. Can’t keep on pouring from an empty cup and I’ve been doing that for years. That’s why my health is really bad and I’m paying for it now. Slowly refilling my cup and being selective on who I pour out to.

I try not to give advice as a single person…

unless asked, however I met with an old friend last night and broke that rule. He was really confused on why his gf is jumping down his throat for everything including when she knew he was going to leave town for work. After listening to him complain about all the changes, I realize she husband him. That’s why everything shifted.

They started out as friends. People have different standers for friends, then when you are in a romantic relationship with them. That’s one of the reasons why transitions from friendship to relationships don’t always work. That’s also the reason why a lot of the friends with benefits that try to becomes real relationships, don’t work out. What people want in a causal relationship is to just have fun, feels good, and no stress (Keyword: of a real realtionship), but their expectations/standers in a relationship is a lot different. Expectations changes, and when the honeymoon period is over, you realize that wasn’t really a relationship but an infatuation/fantasy. This is pretty common with the current hook up generation.

When they became an official item, he travels a lot and it’s the main part of his job. She knew it, and she knew that he loves his job. What shifted is that she said she didn’t want to have kids because of her age, but now she is naming their children. Now she talks about when they get married. Then gets mad at him when she knows he is really busy working and doesn’t call her at his usually time. I was like she husband you, that’s what changed. You need to figure out if that’s the path you want to go with her because she has your wedding planned, and you should have given her a ring yesterday. I know because I have been that girl in my early 20’s but I grew out of it by my mid 20’s.

Relationships aren’t easy. It now takes a lot of convincing to get me to cross that line. If you can impress me and break through that wall, you have my attention. Keeping it, you will have to work on it but once you have it, I am loyal and dedicated. I’m the type of woman, if even if I think you are wrong and tell you, I will stand by your side and go to war with you. I am like that with my choose family, and my romantic partners. It’s also the stander I set for my chosen family and romantic partners.