(Personal Post)Simplify my habits + Project 33

Simplify My Habits

Two hours daily routine
30 mins: Daily work on illustrator or Javascript skills.
30 min: Clean house + Donate/Get rid of stuff.
15 min each: Draw + Work on Blog + Ankle rehab + Self Care.

Twice a week: Meal planing + pull recipes with shopping list.
Read/AudioBook: Two per month. Ideally, weekly.

Project 333
“…is the minimalist fashion challenge that invites you to dress with 33 items or less for 3 months.”  – Courtney

“What: 33 items including clothing, accessories, jewelry, outerwear and shoes.”

“What not: these items are not counted as part of the 33 items – wedding ring or another sentimental piece of jewelry that you never take off, underwear, sleep wear, in-home lounge wear,  and workout clothing (you can only wear your workout clothing to workout).” I’m also excluding what I’m wearing for medical/health reasons like my scarves and jackets.

33 items:
5 pairs of Shoes
5 Dresses
3 Skirts
2 Pant (including Jeans)
1 Necklace (my sun one)
1 Earrings
3 Bags (Pineapple, main one, lunch cooler)
8 tops (two dress tops, 5 everyday)
–  with 5 items left




(Personal Post) Lessons Learned: Don’t look to deep.

A young woman is sitting on a rock by the sea

My lessons learned with grief are:

When you are facing death with loved ones or yourself, trying to process it is one of the normal reactions. One of the ways you can try to deal with grief and mourning, is try to make sense of it. Which is fine, but if you go to deep it can rob you of your joy, your personality,  and life. Sometimes being superficial and mundane is joy because it allows you to appreciate the simple things in life, sometimes that is what really does matter at the end.

Feeling too deep and caring too deep for other people, can cause drama unintentionally.  Most people aren’t in the same place as you. Losing a parent, or a loved one or coming close to your own death is an experience that not everybody has had to deal with in their own lives at this point. They can only sympathize, not empathize till they have gone through a similar journey.  They aren’t in the same space or place as you, and it’s ok but you also have to remember and respect that. Also be careful who you let in because not everybody who shows up is there to help.

My advice so far with grief that I learned that works for me is:

Forgive yourself and be kind to yourself.  There is no one fits all manual on how to deal with this and never will be. As long as you are learning, you haven’t wasted time. Sometimes looking deep is a great way to deal with things but it can cause overthinking, which can create problems that are never orignally there. It’s a balancing act that you learn with experanice.

Some people will say you are being dramatic, if your intention wasn’t to create drama, that’s more of a reflection on them than you. That’s also a sign that they aren’t the right person to be sharing deeper feelings with, even if they keep on telling you that they are. Learn to voice your emotions to somebody who understands that you are just venting till you figure things out, your safe person.

It’s ok to have mental health days or a week off but realize your goals and issues to tackle them.  Depression is normal. The thoughts and emotions associated with depression,  learn to cope with them and ride them out and if you have a safe support system, set that up.

Know that everybody has an opinion of you, and if they ain’t’ paying your bills, their’s don’t matter.  A good mantra to recite to yourself  “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”  Read The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Miguel Ruiz, and tape  the 4 rules to your mirror to read each morning.

The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz

agreement 1

Be impeccable with your word :
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally:
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions:
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

agreement 4

Always do your best:
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.


(Personal Post) “Don’t wait for things to get better.

Freeze motion of colored dust explosion isolated on black background

Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now, otherwise you’ll run out of time.”

3:30 am a week ago, my friend was freaking about if she should break up with this guy she was with, via text because she was in bed with him. One of the reasons she didn’t want to let go, was because she didn’t want to die alone. I could relate to it. With all the deaths and now my mother’s illness,  I can see the temptation of settling with somebody just so I wouldn’t be alone.  I asked her if he makes her happy, She said Yes…eight years ago he did (They broke up 8 years ago and just recently reconnected), but not now. I told her, You have to decide if living like this for the rest of your life is worth it. Our time is limited. There are reasons why ex’s have an X in them.

When I saw the quote “Don’t wait for things to get better. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now, otherwise you’ll run out of time.” It reminded me that I keep on waiting for things to calm down to be happy to enjoy life, it’s not.  Watching my mom’s illness take it’s toll on her and not being able to do anything for her, I realize I really wish I have a partner to turn to. My friends, I know are at a loss for what to tell me with all these deaths in a short time. I thought of my friend’s situation. I can see the temptation of settling so you have somebody to collapse into and just hold you.

 When I was in the hospital room watching my mother, I realize that my fear of being alone might be a self-fulfilling prophecy.   I’m not desperate to be miserable with the wrong person just so I wouldn’t be alone. However, I need to be open and be grounded to find a partner and I know it’s him when he refuses to give up on me, no matter what I toss at him (I have bad self defence mechanism that defaults automatically without me realizing it till way later. Has to be a guy that can see through that it’s nothing more than a smoke screen). I have an amazing life to live, and I don’t want to be surviving through it instead of enjoying it. My time is precious and I need to learn to value it more.

Be kind to yourself…

beautiful young girl in little room. creative concept

Until you take care of your health, there is nothing alas you can do for others or your work. These past few years has been a challenge that I didn’t work a traditional 9-5 job. I prided myself on being the best hire gun I could be for my bosses. It was part of who I was, and walking away from that to put the needs of my family first, has been a mental challenge.

Came into WordPress as a hobby, which turned into a side job, that lead me into wanting to go into it full time. That is the road now that I am working on and I know it will take a few years.  When it was a side job, I was freelance and I sub contracted also but I was ashamed that I wasn’t progressing very far.  It was because I was tried, very tried because I was taking care of things for my family and wasn’t taking care of my own health.

Two years plus ago, when situations with my family when to total chaos after my then recent ankle surgery, I’ve been pretty hard on myself for not progressing very far on my coding.  Have to stop and pat myself on the back, I did the best I could, and I’m still here trying.  Never stopped because this is no longer just a hobby but it’s a passion. Need to stop hiding my code. People will laugh, and judged, but you know, what I have git and I will improve. Not only do I have to improve my mental health but my physical health.

Just weighted myself, I dropped 9.6 pounds since the beginning of the year. I would like to lose 6.4 pounds by my Bday, so I need to start working out (baby steps), and making a meal plan on what I eat. If I don’t, I will not cry over it, just keep on working on it. Ideally, after reaching that goal, I would like to drop anther 30 pounds to reach my pre ankle surgery weight. If it takes anther year, I don’t care as long as I do it healthy and correctly.  Have to keep the same mental status with my coding.

Some people told me it’s the hands of God/Fate/Universe that holds you back till it’s your time. I’m just going to sit here and fine tune my craft, my code, my body, my health, my mind till the path I create is being built. It’s never going to be prefect, but it’s my own path and I’m going to be walking it as I’m building it. There will be mistakes, but as long as I learn from them and don’t stop trying, that’s all the matters at the end.  People will judge, but that also means they are stopping to notice what you are doing.  If they aren’t stopping to help me improve, they are not important to me, and not part of my tribe I’m building a long the way.

“Once you make a decision, …

open book with blank pages on wooden table with a cup of tea closeup. Copy space. Free space for test. Top view

the universe conspires to make it happen.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Decided late last year, I would stop letting the Imposter Syndrome effect me from heading into the tech industry full time, working with or around web development. When I decided, doors started and still am opening for me. I decided to learn Javascript this year. I when to a JS meetup in Jan. At this meetup, a lady talked about Codetalk a front end dev program for women. Googled it to find out that the deadline passed but I tried anyways.  48 hours later, I started the program.

Am really blessed for the timing of getting into Codetalk. My mother when into the hospital the same day I started the program and it kept me on track on working on my coding each day. Most of the stuff is review for me, but it’s helping me polish my code and jump start my JS. I have put my life on pause for my family over the 6 years, and coding is for me, as it’s helping me move forward with my life.

Starting to breathe life again, instead of just surviving it.  My mother’s terminal illness, there is only so much I can do and I’m doing my best.  Need to learn to make time to take care of myself, and deal with my own illnesses + ankle issues.   Am lucky that I have a roof over my head, a car that works, and food in my belly.  Really blessed that coding came back into my life when it did. It’s been my muse, my escape, my passion, and unexpected, it created an extended family that I’m blessed to have.



Self care guilt.

Autumn time: cup of hot tea with lemon and scarf

Took a sick day off of school today because I really was exhausted, and not feeling well since last week.  I had everything packed and was about to go out the door, when I decide to listen to my body screaming at me.  Felt really guilty on missing a day but today was the day they started with WordPress, so if I need to miss a day today was the day.  I know it was a good call at the end but I’m still feeling really exhausted. Really hoping all the sacrifices I’m making to do this program is worth it at the end.

Feel discounted with my personal life, since I sacrifice that till mid May.  Lost about 6 pounds but I’m pretty sure it’s water weight since due to my asthma I’m very sensitive to the temper of water that I can drink and food I can eat. It makes things difficult because I’m not home till late at night.  Self care is very difficult in the situation I’m in. I’m glad I did take the day off.  Still feel guilty that I missed a day but I did some Javascript lessons. Eyes on the prize and I can’t do it if my body takes me down.

Breath…eyes on the prize.

Bleeding Heart Flower Bud on the Definition of Love

Eye on the prize as I’m putting my life on hold for eight more weeks for the Front End Dev Program.  Leaving the house at 5:30am each day and driving through 2-3 hours of traffic to get to school each day will be worth it at the end.  With school, my mom in the hospital, running her errands, all my doctor appointments, and my own errands I drive about 1,000 miles each week. In a way it’s good with all the driving, it’s the only time I have to myself to process life, cry, and listen to my audio book collection…might as well be productive.

For my health, I need to drop 10-15 pounds in the next few months for health issues. The doctor wants me to drop 30 pounds but baby steps with my ankle issues.  Really sucks when you can’t even really walk without limping or your ankle giving out. Starting last week, when I get to school I take a 30 min walk, and I eat a small breakfast. I realize that I don’t drink enough water, so I order a large hot water pump to bring to class with me.  Need to work on a meal plan that I can take with me since I’m on the road most of the time.

Got my grade sheet today and I have 94% for the first 5 weeks. We are on week 7 right now. I should have scored higher, if I wasn’t distracted with my mother in the hospital. I need to be kinder to myself.  Also for the program, I need to find a internship that starts in June/July.  That’s the next time I need to start forcing on.

Missing out on a lot of things in live with almost no social life but I have to remember that I can only get good at things one thing at a time. Right now it’s learning to coding stronger, taking care of my mom, and trying to take care of my own failing health. That’s all I can do. Can’t keep on pouring from an empty cup. There is nobody here to take care of me, the way I take care of other people.



Despite it all, I know I’m pretty blessed.

close up view of sunflower flowers at the evening field

So happy I have the front end dev program to go to each day.  I was asked by a friend recently what makes you happy? I answered Coding. It’s the only thing that is keeping me going with all the things going around me.  At least I know, I have a place to live till Summer, after my program ends.  Starting to go down on my meds but my asthma started acting up again, so I might be back on them again. At least now, the doctor has some what of an idea what is going on.

I try not to give advice as a single person…

Cup of hot tea and cookies outside

unless asked, however I met with an old friend last night and broke that rule. He was really confused on why his gf is jumping down his throat for everything including when she knew he was going to leave town for work.  After listening to him complain about all the changes, I realize she husband him. That’s why everything shifted.

They started out as friends.  People have different standers for friends, then when you are in a romantic relationship with them. That’s one of the reasons why transitions from friendship to relationships don’t always work.  That’s also the reason why a lot of the friends with benefits that try to becomes real relationships, don’t work out. What people want in a causal relationship is to just have fun, feels good, and no stress (Keyword: of a real realtionship), but their expectations/standers in a relationship is a lot different. Expectations changes, and when the honeymoon period is over, you realize that wasn’t really a relationship but an infatuation/fantasy.  This is pretty common with the current hook up generation.

When they became an official item, he travels a lot and it’s the main part of his job. She knew it, and she knew that he loves his job.  What shifted is that she said she didn’t want to have kids because of her age, but now she is naming their children.  Now she talks about when they get married. Then gets mad at him when she knows he is really busy working and doesn’t call her at his usually time.  I was like she husband you, that’s what changed. You need to figure out if that’s the path you want to go with her because she has your wedding planned, and you should have given her a ring yesterday.  I know because I have been that girl in my early 20’s but I grew out of it by my mid 20’s.

Relationships aren’t easy.  It now takes a lot of convincing to get me to cross that line. If you can impress me and break through that wall, you have my attention.  Keeping it, you will have to work on it but once you have it, I am loyal and dedicated. I’m the type of woman, if even if I think you are wrong and tell you, I will stand by your side and go to war with you. I am like that with my choose family, and my romantic partners.  It’s also the stander I set for my chosen family and romantic partners.


You know, I really didn’t have a real theme for 2016 till today.

Peaceful woman relaxing at home with cup of tea or coffee

With the way things are going, my theme is “It’s 2016, F**k it!” Honesty, despite everything is going on I am blessed.  I have a roof over my head at least till summer, a working car, enough money to eat and put gas in the car, and enough credit on my cards to pay for my medical care.  I can only take one day at at time and keep my eye on the prize this year is spending time with family (blood + chosen), healing my health, and creating my current web career.