Last week was a warm up, and tomorrow is going full throttle, school 7 days a week on the west side of LA. An hour and half drive one way but it’s going to be so worth it by the last week of April. I haven’t felt this happy and blessed in ages. I get to work on coding 5 days a week, and art 2 days a week. I’m also finally getting to see some of the referral doctors, I been trying to see for the past year. Finally, can start figuring out and tracing where my health issues are coming from to better address them.
Loving myself to let go of my pride. I got an emergency appoint with the doctor today due to my breathing issues. The nurse told me to have somebody drive me because my coughing and shortness of breath would be a hazard. The doctor’s office was a 15 min drive at most. I was like I can deal with it. Should have called a lyft or uber. I was coughing and gagging too much trying to breath. I still don’t know how to ask for help or when to. I can’t keep on trying to do everything myself when my health is failing and I’m frustrate because I’m not great a verbal communication with my emotions.
Love myself to meal plan. I realize that I’m so used to not having a kitchen, that when I’m hungry I just grab fast food automatically. Not been getting real food in my body and it cost me a pretty penny when I do that.
Loving myself to value my own voice. I know there is a price to pay for doing that but I also realize that there are consequence.
Learning to slowly love my fat rolls.
I thought I knew what “love handles” where, till this round of my life. They are like tire rolls on the side of my body. I’m learning to love them because it means that I am beginning to lose some belly weight or they wouldn’t exist on my body. They are a marker that I am starting to get healthier as I am very slowly reaching my goal when I start to shrink to give rid of them. Learning to love the fat rolls.
Putting up bounders for my self care. I am on day seven without a car because my mechanic is on vacation till Monday. It’s been forcing me to reassess the way I live my life.
Learning to priorities things for less stress. I work part time on call, so I’m using lyft/uber due to my car. Due to the cost, I have to become more strategic. It is making me realize that “Drop everything to go,” mentality wastes a lot of time, while adding unnessary stress. Better time management and prioritizing for less stress.
Making my home functional for living. During the past month, I finally unpacked and storage things, so I can live in my home unit. Being stuck at home, I realize it wasn’t functional for me because I unpacked it just get by for basic living, but it was placed to be repacked easily incase I have to move again. Now that I’m starting to cook again, I’m trying to figure out what works and doesn’t. Making my home, my home instead of just a place to sleep till I move again.
I am pretty happy, it’s all slowly coming together. Next week I have a web project that I need to start working on.
“Things fall apart to make way for way better things.” -unknown
- Getting my build my own WordPress Theme plan of action done for the first part and got underscores set up on Desktop Sever. It’s funny, that I never got around to doing it till now. I should write some simple plungins for it also. I’m blogging everything to keep myself accountable.
- My best friend at 6-7 months pregnant with her first child. So happy she finally got what she wanted, a guy that matches her personalty and goals, a wedding, and now a baby. She is still pressuring me to get boyfriend and married.
- Seeing photos one of my friend try on wedding dresses. From a settling relationship to now a man that supports her dreams. I am smiling looking at her photo and so proud of her. I know a baby isn’t long behind.
- Putting getting married before I turn 40 on my list of goals. That gives me a couple of years but I realize that I’ve been too busy taking care of other people/family, focusing on work, and trying to find myself that I never made room for a parter in life. Still not sold on kids but I learned never say never.
- Looking at light as my heart is breaking for the past few weeks, and I’m grateful for this lesson allowing me to grow. Just a reminder to myself time heals. “A year from now, everything you are stressing over will not matter” -unknown
“As soon as you start to pursue a dream, your life wakes up and everything has meaning.” — Barbara Sher
Take 3 months off of taking new web clients, and build a mock side from underscores to add to my portfolio.
Start Date: Oct 1, 2015
End Date: Dec 31, 2015
Plan of Action:
To better my Front End Development Skills, I am spending the next 3 months making and breaking a WordPress Mock Site using underscores.
Muse for the Site
Questionnaire: Screening, Intake, Follow up
Meeting my time Frame.
2 weeks on the first two phases max, and two months on the latter.
It’s funny how one simple lie from one person that I trusted dearly, can be the last straw that breaks me. Keep on telling myself suck it up, Buttercup but it’s not working. I know how to survive, and people mistake that for a strong heart but it is really so fragile from all the fractures. The only thing distracting me is work right now. Being more productive these days between the tears. Keeping low, and busy with my coding lessons while rebuilding two sites.
Looking forward to a cup of tea tonight as I’m listening to the rain. Am blessed that I enjoy what I am doing, learning, and eyeing. Think I am going to start applying to speak to WordCamps, once I figure out what I have learned that is of value to other people. Just because some people I deeply value, devalues me repeatedly, I have to remind myself can still offer value to others and just grow forward.