100 days of Gratitude/Happiness: Day 10

watercolor magic bottle

Gratitude

  • I realize it’s a gift my ankle hasn’t healed correctly…yet.   It’s making me choose what to focus on that I really want to rebuild and build for this faze of my life to work for.
  • Laughs when I hung out with my friend and her husband for a bit. Her husband told me that I’m a guy, because I totally miss it when a guy hits on me.  I don’t find myself I’m attractive, so it doesn’t really cross my mind. This is the 2nd time in 6 weeks were a male friend told me I’m a guy. I need figure out how to change that pattern.
  • My sewing class. It’s challenging since it’s been a lot while since I have used that skill but I’m remembering now why I stop.  It’s a very very costly hobby.
  • My mother said she found my sewing machine. I have to go check if it’s the right one but here’s to hoping not having to buy a new used one.
  • A reminder to treat men as men, not big hairy women. Sometimes I realize being around mostly women dominated communities, that it’s a blessing for support. However it is bad because I realize that I start treating and expecting men to behave like big hairy women. Men’s behavior and the way they process things are different then women’s, it deserves to be recognized and respected, as long they also need to do the same for women and our behavior patterns.

 

100 days of Gratitude/Happiness: Day 7

Big idea. Happy smart girl with glasses and solution lightbulb above head. Solving a problem creative idea concept

“As soon as you start to pursue a dream, your life wakes up and everything has meaning.” — Barbara Sher

Happiness:

Take 3 months off of taking new web clients, and build a mock side from underscores to add to my portfolio.

Start Date: Oct 1, 2015
End Date: Dec 31, 2015

Plan of Action:

Objective:
To better my Front End Development Skills, I am spending the next 3 months making and breaking a WordPress Mock Site using underscores.

Tasks:

Planing:
Muse for the Site
Questionnaire: Screening, Intake, Follow up

Design:
Content Strategy
Style Tiles
wireframe

Build:
Development
Testing
Launch

Success Criteria:
Meeting my time Frame.

Time Frame:
2 weeks on the first two phases max, and two months on the latter.

I forgive myself for:

content

  • trying to live up to other people’s expectations, instead of living up to mines.
  • putting the needs of other’s in front of mines and not taking care of myself.
  • letting fear rule me.
  • having imposter syndrome, and not patting myself on the back for all my amazing accomplishments.
  • not allowing me to be human when I make a mistakes. I allow everybody to make mistakes but me.
  • getting caught up in drama, because I care about the people involved.
  • not allowing my heart to fall in love in fear of being hurt.
  • allowing my father and his estate issues to rob me of over 1.5 years of my life and has take it’s toll on me, that I almost had a break down recently.

Need to keep on adding to list but this is a start.

 

 

The strongest women are often the weakest at heart…

Female hand holding heart shaped cup of coffee drinking, unusual high angle view

It’s funny how one simple lie from one person that I trusted dearly, can be the last straw that breaks me. Keep on telling myself suck it up, Buttercup but it’s not working. I know how to survive, and people mistake that for a strong heart but it is really so fragile from all the fractures. The only thing distracting me is work right now. Being more productive these days between the tears. Keeping low, and busy with my coding lessons while rebuilding two sites.

Looking forward to a cup of tea tonight as I’m listening to the rain. Am blessed that I enjoy what I am doing, learning, and eyeing.  Think I am going to start applying to speak to WordCamps, once I figure out what I have learned that is of value to other people.  Just because some people I deeply value, devalues me repeatedly,  I have to remind myself can still offer value to others and just grow forward.

Sometimes a pin brings back your past.

When World Disney early this summer, I looked at my friend that I came with, telling her I need to get a pin for my friend Cassy, who is an avid Disney pin collector. After finding a park exclusive pin, told my friend that I haven’t seen or been able to get in touch with Cassy for over 7 years, but I’m going to track her down to give her this pin.

I met Cassy when I was in college. She is one of the people that I admire, she never graduate High School because she had to start working when her mother passed away when she was 17 to pay the bills. That never kept her from learning, she is always reading the books she gets at the library, learning new things, traveling, and always active with her community. Unfortunately due to her lack of formal education and her heath, it has limited her job opportunities.

Cassy was working for a major retailer, as a sales clerk, for most of her career. I learned the years I couldn’t get in touch with her, her health was failing and she was in a deep depression, resulting her now being on disability due to her heath. She is volunteering and learning to do social media for the non profit there.  When she isn’t at the non profit, one of her neighbor lends her their old iPad and internet when she is at their house to get things done.

She is looking for an old laptop to buy since she was on limited funds being on disability.  When she came over, I gave her my old iPad with a keyboard, my old iTouch with an old radio that can play the iTouch, and some snacks in a ikea bag. That should buy her some time till she can afford a decent laptop.  One of her friends is looking for low cost internet for her.

We spend half the day together catching up. Told her if she gets good at social media there is a huge market for it and she might want to consider being a virtual assistant once she has internet. It was something that has been suggest to her by a few people due to her willingness to learn. She said that is something that I do well also being able to learn, adapt, and still be flexible.  As we chatted, it felt like we picked up where we left and never lost touch. Told her that I still haven’t finish unpack to find her World Disney Pin, so she need to keep in touch when I drop her off at the train station.