My lessons learned with grief are:
When you are facing death with loved ones or yourself, trying to process it is one of the normal reactions. One of the ways you can try to deal with grief and mourning, is try to make sense of it. Which is fine, but if you go to deep it can rob you of your joy, your personality, and life. Sometimes being superficial and mundane is joy because it allows you to appreciate the simple things in life, sometimes that is what really does matter at the end.
Feeling too deep and caring too deep for other people, can cause drama unintentionally. Most people aren’t in the same place as you. Losing a parent, or a loved one or coming close to your own death is an experience that not everybody has had to deal with in their own lives at this point. They can only sympathize, not empathize till they have gone through a similar journey. They aren’t in the same space or place as you, and it’s ok but you also have to remember and respect that. Also be careful who you let in because not everybody who shows up is there to help.
My advice so far with grief that I learned that works for me is:
Forgive yourself and be kind to yourself. There is no one fits all manual on how to deal with this and never will be. As long as you are learning, you haven’t wasted time. Sometimes looking deep is a great way to deal with things but it can cause overthinking, which can create problems that are never orignally there. It’s a balancing act that you learn with experanice.
Some people will say you are being dramatic, if your intention wasn’t to create drama, that’s more of a reflection on them than you. That’s also a sign that they aren’t the right person to be sharing deeper feelings with, even if they keep on telling you that they are. Learn to voice your emotions to somebody who understands that you are just venting till you figure things out, your safe person.
It’s ok to have mental health days or a week off but realize your goals and issues to tackle them. Depression is normal. The thoughts and emotions associated with depression, learn to cope with them and ride them out and if you have a safe support system, set that up.
Know that everybody has an opinion of you, and if they ain’t’ paying your bills, their’s don’t matter. A good mantra to recite to yourself “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” Read The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Miguel Ruiz, and tape the 4 rules to your mirror to read each morning.
The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz
agreement 1
Be impeccable with your word :
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
agreement 2
Don’t take anything personally:
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
agreement 3
Don’t make assumptions:
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
agreement 4
Always do your best:
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
