Self Love Challenge: Day 9

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Loving myself enough to opening up myself to rekindle my passion.

Last night I when to a goal setting workshop for dancers. It included a workbook, that we when through in the workshop. I realized something, that knew my goals and how to break it down to get it done but I was on survive mode. I didn’t have much emotional attachment to my goal, just to survive through them. The teacher kept on telling us to get to the emotional part of us that drives the goals, so when run into a block, you have the passion to keep on going.

Self Love Challenge: Day Six

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Learning to slowly love my fat rolls.

I thought I knew what “love handles” where, till this round of my life. They are like tire rolls on the side of my body. I’m learning to love them because it means that I am beginning to lose some belly weight or they wouldn’t exist on my body. They are a marker that I am starting to get healthier as I am very slowly reaching my goal when I start to shrink to give rid of them. Learning to love the fat rolls.

Self-Love Diet Day: Five

cup of hot coffee on the window sill wet from the rain

Falling back in love with my life.

Despite with everything that hasn’t been working in the past few weeks. Dealing with not having a car for almost two weeks and not knowing if can be saved. The disappointment of not getting a car last night with the number so close. Not going into debt to buy a car. Being hit with a bunch of legal issues with my father’s estate during the holidays. Been struggling with a bunch of health issues over the past few months, and since I switch HMOs, I have to wait till my first appointment. Been resting a lot till then. Got anther warning, that I might have to move by June. As I was listening to the rain, I felt more content with my life.

Feeling really lucky, that have a roof over my head till June, and they got all the leaks fixed before I moved in. I have hot water in my shower now. I have some food storage. It might not be healthiest but it’s food. My car gave me a good 18 years. If it’s not savable, I’ll figure something out.  I’m having people ask me about building or fixing their sites and it’s giving me inspire to look into new things to learn. Baby steps because my life will slow go to over drive by the next of the month till the end of April but it’s the path I choose to go on, not trying to survive the path that I had to deal with.

Feels like I’m stepping back into my own skin and path again. My goal for 2016 is keep on building the foundation for my new career, getting my health and body back in check, and keeping my spiritually in balance. Baby steps and I will get there.

Self-Love Diet Day: Two

Cup of hot tea and cookies outside

 

Putting up bounders for my self care.  I am on day seven without a car because my mechanic is on vacation till Monday.  It’s been forcing me to reassess the way I live my life.

Learning to priorities things for less stress.  I work part time on call, so I’m using lyft/uber due to my car. Due to the cost, I have to become more strategic. It is making me realize that “Drop everything to go,” mentality wastes a lot of time, while adding unnessary stress. Better time management and prioritizing for less stress.

Making my home functional for living. During the past month, I finally unpacked and storage things, so I can live in my home unit. Being stuck at home, I realize it wasn’t functional for me because I unpacked it just get by for basic living, but it was placed to be repacked easily incase I have to move again.  Now that I’m starting to cook again, I’m trying to figure out what works and doesn’t. Making my home, my home instead of just a place to sleep till I move again.

I am pretty happy, it’s all slowly coming together. Next week I have a web project that I need to start working on.

Self-Love Diet Day: One

Heart shaped flying birds with woman silhouette, vector illustration

Today is Day 1 of my Self-Love Diet.

Yesterday, I need to find a dress for a NYE party that I was invited to. I found myself talking down on my body when looking for a dress. Made myself doll up, which I haven’t done in years, and I had to remind myself even if I’m a bigger version of myself, that I’m still beautiful in my own way.  Need to stop calling myself a Sea Cow. I’m just a plumper version of a ferret.

I forgive myself for:

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  • trying to live up to other people’s expectations, instead of living up to mines.
  • putting the needs of other’s in front of mines and not taking care of myself.
  • letting fear rule me.
  • having imposter syndrome, and not patting myself on the back for all my amazing accomplishments.
  • not allowing me to be human when I make a mistakes. I allow everybody to make mistakes but me.
  • getting caught up in drama, because I care about the people involved.
  • not allowing my heart to fall in love in fear of being hurt.
  • allowing my father and his estate issues to rob me of over 1.5 years of my life and has take it’s toll on me, that I almost had a break down recently.

Need to keep on adding to list but this is a start.

 

 

Jury Duty 2015

I am really tried right now and I know as a freelancer, I am losing money when I am in Jury Duty but I know it’s part of my civil duty as an American and a honor to be selective. It’s a small small price to pay in the long run, and I feel like the people in the case deserves our respect as we expect if it was our own case. Most of the people on the jury where great, expect one lady who was challenging because she really didn’t want to be there. Overall, I didn’t agree 100% with the outcome but I am grateful that we have the court system that we do, even thought it has it’s issues.

On the side note with all the downtime I had to reflect waiting in the courtroom hallway, I realized it was the right decision to leave the legal field but the legal mind set and thinking process still fascinates me. Don’t want to go back into Social Work but I wouldn’t mind working with non profits again.  Really miss web design and coding. I was too tried to get 100% out of my two responsive night class workshops this week but I loved learning whatever sunk through. I am in the right field and I’m still figuring out my niche in the web design world.

Case: If you are wondering what the case was about, it was a bumper accident on the freeway that took place about 3 years ago.  Both sides weren’t very clear on setting a timeline after the accident, the photos on both sides were questionable, both cars were in question, there were too many unknowns, and it was hard to find any solid facts.  It’s been three years since it happened, how many people remember what they did a week ago in detail?

How I decided was, was based on the defendant had admitted that he was distracted when he hit the plaintiff, so how much of the medical bills and anything else is he responsible for?  I was the only one that through the wife should get some money for becoming the caretaker. Other people felt like it was part of her job in a marriage. For me, I don’t know how much income was she counting from him and if she put aside anything to bring income with her job skills. I’m not married, so I can’t tell you what’s it like as a wife but I can tell you from the point of a caretaker for a family member, which I have been a few times in my life.

 

 

I found my 5 year bucket list I work back in 2012…

 

I found my bucket list I put up back in 2012 to be completed by 2017.  I think by the end of the this year, I only would have the home office, South America, and maybe a new(used) car check off with two more years to go on the rest.  This was the order I used with the same photos.  I should update this or write a new one. A lot has changed since 2012.

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Have my own home office  (check) 2014

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Debt Free- Working on this one: Student loans paid off 2014

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New Car (or used new car) – Working on

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South America – Pending Summer 2015

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Australia + New Zealand – still on the list
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Meet my mate – Think that requires trying meeting somebody non platonically. Whatever happen to arranged marriages? 😛

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Get engaged — See note above

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Get married – See above

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Maybe pop out a kid – Only way this is happening is that if I have a hubby that willing to  take care of the kid because I’m not sure I can handle it. I can barely take care of myself.